


i'm sailing away my own true love

by randomdreamer01



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 15:16:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9277682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomdreamer01/pseuds/randomdreamer01
Summary: At least they are alive.(sort of, a little, maybe not at all.)...Bodhi, Jyn and Cassian survived Scarif, but what comes next might be too much for any of them to bear alone.





	

 

5\. 

Bodhi knows that people stare when he walks pass and whisper behind his back. But, for the first time in his life, he does not care anymore. _I defected. I defected._ He takes turn sitting by their bed sides as the med droids buzz around like flies. He does not hold their hands. He does not think they would want him to. Jyn sleeps like she is being plagued by nightmares. Cassian sleeps like a baby. But they just sleep and he just waits. 

_At least they are alive,_ the doctor tells him. 

(sort of, a little, maybe not at all.) 

 

 

4\. 

Jyn wakes first and Bodhi is there to hold her as she lunges out of bed. The first word she says is _Cassian._ And Bodhi grabs her hand, tells her that she is safe, that Cassian is safe, but that the others…the others are gone. Cassian wakes next, and Bodhi is glad that he doesn't have to be there to tell him what he has told Jyn. But it does not matter; ten minutes after he wakes, Cassian limps into Jyn’s room and they cling to each other like they did when Bodhi found them on the sands in Scarif. 

(but Bodhi does not think about it, can’t think about it.) 

 

 

3\. 

At first, silence was all they could stomach. But then, slowly, deliberately, the three of them began talking and talking and talking. It does not matter that the topics are mundane and boring. Yes, the dull ache is still there, they say. The dull ache which means the _guilt,_ the _longing,_ the _pain,_ the _missing something whole._ But it helps to talk. They do not laugh though. They don’t find anything funny anymore. 

(and if they do, they don’t say it.) 

 

 

2\. 

Bodhi notices the way she holds his arm when he is learning to walk again. He sees the way his eyes linger on her when he thinks she’s not looking. Everyone asks Bodhi about them - the captain and Galen Erso’s daughter. But he shakes his head, tells them that there’s nothing to tell. He barely keeps himself afloat as it is. He does not understand what holds the two of them back, he thinks to himself, but then he realises he does. 

(they don’t deserve to feel alive.)

 

 

1.

They drink too much one night. Corellian gin from Solo’s stolen stock. Bodhi cannot walk straight, Cassian cannot speak in coherent sentences, and Jyn’s words ring louder than she intends for them to. Bodhi watches the two of them touch their foreheads together, almost kissing but then not, and in the end, they both pull away like they always do. Bodhi thinks of Baze and Chirrut and fights back an urge to laugh. They would find this funny, he thinks, but then he realises again that they are dead. 

Bodhi has to wind his hand through Jyn’s to hold her upright as she sags against him. He thinks he hears her cry, but Jyn Erso doesn’t cry. Cassian just stares, and Bodhi thinks himself wretched for wishing he hadn’t saved them from that beach. 

(it is better to be broken together than not to be broken at all.)

 

...


End file.
